The Knight of Years Past

You know how sometimes you get a phone call or text that is unexpected and out of the blue from someone you haven't seen in a long while. . .

Perhaps you had worked together in the past, or maybe you had just known each other as friends of friends.  Then, out of no where, that person reaches out to you and you are happy to hear from them because you had a positive experience with them, and enjoyed their company.

This is exactly what happened to me.

I was knee deep into my dating experiences. I had enjoyed (?) a conga line of Knights but was fairly thread bare from doing the 'what do you do for work,' and  'what are your hobbies' convo. I had decided for a short break from dating so that I could re-focus on some of my relationships with friends I had not seen in a while due to this Death March of dating.   I longed for a break from the getting to know you conversation and having to try to muddle through a challenging evening that was otherwise not working out.

Nearly as soon as I had wished for it, wa-la, I got a text from someone from my past.  He and I had worked together nearly a decade ago, and I had always thought of him fondly as a good friend, and generally all-around good person.

His text warm and friendly as he had always been.  It was a "Hey you! How you doin?!?"

I happily returned a text of "hey, what's up man!"

He was always such a great guy. . .it was such a pleasure to hear from him!

I had been at his wedding, we shared mutual friends, and I thought that this was a call to report in about a new job or some other of wildly successful occasion that he was reaching out to share. He asked if we could meet up for a drink and I agreed.  This man had a great life, great wife and a beautiful new baby from what I had heard from friends.  I wanted to hear all about his successes. I looked forward to meeting for a drink.

We decided to grab a drink at the Shannon Rose on a Tuesday evening.  I threw on a pair of jeans and a sweater, wrapped my hair up into a bun and slid into my Converse sneakers.  I felt that this was proper friend attire.  Generally in the past we had met for lunch, but I imagined he had a full plate these days, and a quick drink after work was probably all he could fit in.

I headed down to the Shannon Rose and parked myself at the bar. I ordered up a Strongbow and patiently awaited my friend's arrival.

A few minutes after my arrival, he blew into the restaurant.  He looked a bit harried, with a phone to his ear and struggling to loosen his tie while walking towards the bar.

He saw me from a few feet away, smiled, waved, pointed to his phone and put up the 'just one minute' finger. I smiled back and nodded in agreement.

He had barely aged. He looked like the same 20 year old kid I had known way back when.  He was sharply dressed in a blue pinstripe suit, white shirt and navy tie. He had always been very fashion forward, and I recalled busting his balls about his keen fashion sense when we would see each other.

'Still a great dresser,' I thought to myself.

He hung up his call and then dashed over to join me at one of the only empty seats left at the bar. He gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.  He grabbed me by the shoulders and held me back to take a look at me.

"My God, you don't age do you?" he proclaimed.

"And this coming from a man who doesn't seem to age either!" I responded.

"How the hell have you been?"he asked,  "You look great!"

"Well I find that the Diet Coke and vodka have been the key to preserving my youthful glow," I giggled.

I hailed the bartender over for him and he ordered a Heineken Light.

He made fun of his own order. "You know we're aging when we can't have the regular beer anymore and light is the only option that doesn't make you all gross the following day."

I smiled warmly and toasted a cheers to old friends getting together.

"Seriously though," he asked. "How's life treating you?"

"Awe. I can't complain. Work is good, been traveling a ton over the last few years and well, no matter how far I move away. I just keep coming back to Jersey."

He shared that through mutual friends that he had heard about my travels and moving over seas from time to time.

We talked about where we used to work together, and shared stories of the fun we had had at happy hours and past occasions together.  He inquired as to how my ex was, having heard that we were no longer together.  I shared that he was now married, and doing well as far as I knew.  We ordered a second beer and some light bites to eat.

He asked if I had ever gotten married. To try to make light of the situation I shared that in my 20s all the wrong ones "kept asking and I kept saying 'no', and now into my 30s, no one seemed to be asking anymore."

Just slow your row there mister. . .

This made him laugh.  He asked if anyone new was in the picture, and I told him that I had had zero success on the dating front to this point.

I guess he could kind of read my disappointment with my perpetual single-hood and seemed to switch gears with the conversation.  I appreciated this.

"Still throwing 'bows?" he asked as he gestured with his elbows poking me in the side. He shared that he had seen me in the newspaper for roller derby a number of times, and had wanted to come and see me play.

"Ah, well it was a good run," I shared. "I am retired now. Got tired of the politics, and my body got tired of the regular beatings. It was lovely while it lasted, but retirement has been good to me."

"Well you look no worse for the wear," he shared.  "I had always thought you had a great figure."  This made me a bit uncomfortable coming from a married man. . .wasn't like him to come off as creepy. Odd.

"Looks like you have been staying fit," I mentioned pointing at him. "Chasing the babe is keeping you in shape I imagine? Still playing hockey?"

"Well," he began. "I barely have time for anything other than work and my kid. They moved me up in the company and I have had an insane schedule for the past three years. It's nuts."

"Oh man," I began. "You're wife must miss you terribly.  How is she? She is such a great woman! Is she still working for the same company?"

His demeanor changed. He shifted in his seat a bit.

"You didn't hear I guess. . ." He seemed confused.

"I didn't hear what?" I asked. Oh God, what had happened to his wife.

"She and I divorced about 18 months ago," he began.  "I don't know. I guess we just grew apart.  I was never around, she changed after we had the baby, and I guess it just fell apart from there."

"Oh, geez. I am so sorry," I said, feeling awful. I really didn't mean to bring up a painful situation for him. How could I have not known. I can't recall any of our mutual friends mentioning this to me.  Based upon the time frame, I must have been living in Australia at the time of his split.  I guess everyone figured that I knew??

"Oh don't be sorry," he continued.  She's getting re-married and he's actually a really good guy.  No bad feelings between us, we just grew apart.  It happens some times,  I guess.  I really thought you knew. . ."

Call me naive.  I had no idea.

To try to switch gears to make HIM feel less awkward, I asked about his kid. He was overjoyed to share stories about his child, and he pulled out his phone to show me pictures.  A LOT of pictures. He told me that every waking moment that he had available was spent with his child.  He spoke of his home now looking like a Toys'R'Us, and how his fridge was stocked full of kid snacks.  His idea of a great weekend was taking his child to Chuck E Cheese, and then to the zoo or the park, and crashing at 8pm.

His idea of a great weekend sounded like the ninth ring of hell for me.

He asked how I felt about not having kids, and if I thought that they were in my future.  I said "never say never," but as of right now, children were the furthest thing from my mind.  I still loved my evenings out, weekend trips away and mornings off reading in bed.  I told him I had a ton of respect for those who had children, because at this point of my life, knowing what I knew about the investment of time and energy a child takes, I didn't feel I was a good candidate. . .

"So you really don't have any interest in kids?" he asked seemingly befuddled.

"Honestly, I'm still a big kid myself. There is a lot that I would want to do with a partner before having children, and just think that jumping into having kids in the super near future with someone I just met, might not be the best idea."

He looked nearly disappointed.  Why did he look disappointed?

Wait, no way. . . I am such an idiot.

Oh God.  This wasn't a friendly drink/get-together. . . this was a date.  I just had no idea going into it that it was a date because I had no idea he was single! The questions about kids didn't have to do with my personal preferences per se; it had to do with whether or not I would be a good candidate to date HIM who had a child already.  Now I felt like a jerk. . . .How do I save this from being the awkward silence that it could possibly be.  OK make this less of a date. . .

"So have you been dating since your divorce?" I inquired.

He divulged that he had been on a few dates, but hadn't really connected with the women because of his hectic schedule with his work and trying to spend as much time as possible with his child.  I offered up perhaps trying to meet single Moms through the day care or in his neighborhood. I was trying to sound cheerful and helpful, and just was failing terribly.  Who was I to play dating counselor??

I think at this point in the evening the bubble had been burst for both of us.  I wasn't ready to date someone with a small child, that had very limited time, and he got the picture that I wasn't the best candidate for him.  We shared a few more stories of times past, finished our drinks and wished each other well on our quest for love.

I ran into him a few months later. He had met a great single Mom, and she and he were doing fantastic. I was so happy for him! In a lot of ways, it gave me hope to keep on going with this dating endeavor.  And so I did. . .

The Diplomat Knight (Part Deux)

The morning following my day in the trenches with the Diplomat Knight I sat straight up in my bed at roughly 5:30am.  I think the horror of what today could bring had woken me from a dead sleep.  The rest of my bunkmates in the hostel were tucked in their beds, sleeping peacefully . I was on the brink of a panic attack. My gears seemed to be going before I opened my eyes. 

What do I do? Do I sell the ticket on Craigslist? Do I go to the game and try to find a fan in the parking lot to sell it to? Do I just eat the $100? AND WHAT ABOUT TODAY! 

The Knight had mentioned when we were parting the day before, that he would have the whole day available today, and "wanted to try to get to see some of the museums today". This was not on my agenda at this point AT ALL. Mission for today was move the ticket, and come up with some excuse as to why I could not spend the day with him. 

First task: See if I can make lemonade out of this ticket business.  It was early in the morning and not too late to believe that I could sell/give away the ticket to one of my friends in Jersey or the surrounding states.  I began to reach out to anyone I could think of. I didn't care about the money, I cared about having a great night at a great game, and making the most of it.  I called and texted Giants fans back in Jersey to see if anyone wanted to come down for the game and a night of fun. The over arching sentiment was that I was insane for going to a game in Maryland, and no they couldn't drive 4+ hours to come with me.  DANG.

Next step: Craigslist.  I put up a post stating that I had one extra ticket, the price and my contact info. I felt like this had to work. Everyone sells things on Craigslist. . . this sucker is going to move! I calmed down a bit. I was willing to sit next to some complete stranger rather than this guy. 

Now I had to formulate an excuse as to why I could not be available for the day.  I can't say I am going back to Jersey because, well, if the ticket doesn't move than I'm stuck with it. I knew he was interested in seeing the game and had offered the money for the ticket yesterday, but I declined because it was one of the first things he mentioned, and stupid me had left the ticket at home. He had put his money away when I mentioned I didn't have the ticket and we both agreed that we could handle the money business the day of the game. Totally dumb move on my part. 

Excuses, excuses.  Where was I going to find one! 

He knew I could work remotely and had earmarked time for the game and touring this day, so how could I make it work related. . . Hmmmm.  

I don't like lying and I'm actually quite crap at it, so this was very difficult. How do I deep six the day together, but not put him off for the game if I don't get an opportunity to move this ticket. As I was mulling over my options the phone rang. It was him!! Ahhhhh!! Instinctually I picked it up before it went to voice mail. My mind was darting all over, combing my brain for excuses. I don't think my brain has ever been so vacant in my entire life. 

He was chipper and friendly.  He asked if I was ready to go into town in the next hour or so to begin walking around and seeing museums. 

"Um, yeah. I wanted to talk to you about that," I said sheepishly. 

Maybe you call it instinct; like the way a mother can pick up a sedan if her baby was stuck under it. Nearly as quickly as I was fishing for an answer in my head I had one materialize.

"I got a call from a colleague who is putting together a marketing plan for their company.  They have some crazy deadline to present it to their big wigs and they are freaking out because they need help with the social media part. They want to bring me in for that aspect of the business, which would be great for me, but this means that I am going to have to work on this project TODAY."

I was shocked at the ease with which this story rolled off my tongue. Who was I? I guess desperation had led me down a path of lying, and I was totally shocked at how believable it was.  

"Oh," he said.  "Will you still be able to go to the game?"

"I think so right no, but I will have a better idea around 2 today.  Does that work?"I asked.

"Sure. Give me a call then. I am going to go into downtown and probably go check out some museums."

Excellent. I had bought myself some time during the day to try to find someone to take this ticket, left the door open to go with him as a last resort and now had the day to myself.  I packed up my belongings, loaded up my car and caught a bus into downtown to have a wander for a few hours. 

I periodically checked my phone throughout the day to see if this ticket was getting any bidders on Craigslist. Nothing.

"Really," I thought. 

I had put a hard stop on heading out to the game around 6pm so that there was time for transit, a bite to eat and maybe even have a wander around the parking lot to see how Redskins fans tailgated. At 2pm he called to check in.   

"How's it going?" he asked.

"Umm, I am hoping to be done by 4pm. Can you ring me then?" I responded

"OK. Let's meet at the Air and Space Museum around 6pm. We can then go get a bite to eat, before we take the train to the stadium so dinner is not so expensive," he added.  

"Sure," I said.  

This gave me two hours to sell a ticket, get back to my hostel to get the tickets, dress for the game and head out. Damn. It really looks like I am going to end up going with this dude. Shit.

When 4pm arrived and I still had no takers on the ticket I gave up. I would just go with this guy to the game and suck it up. I was already hemorrhaging money between the stay, the drive, the tickets, hostel and meals. I was going to have to make this work. 

I rang him back at 4pm to confirm our plans for the evening. He carried on about his day, and I think I put the phone down trying to find the inner peace it would take for this event. I hung up and began to get ready. I was going to have to fight rush hour traffic in addition to all this other nonsense so it was best I got a move on.  

Stop number one on this crazy train: the liquor store. 

When going to a football game, this novel event it is marked with my ceremonious beer drinking. I enjoy having a beer in the parking lot, while wandering around the tailgating area to show my solidarity to those who are there drinking their faces off. I was also going to need a little boozy treat to make this man more bearable for what could be hours. Some people drink till he's cute. I was drinking so I didn't want to run screaming out of this game that I had worked so hard to get to. I knew I was breaking my two drink rule tonight, and I was totally OK with it.  To be funny, I picked up two 20oz cans of beer and a small plastic flask of Smirnoff vodka.  One for the road and one for the game. I was lock, stocked and ready to go! 

I began my journey to the Air and Space Museum to meet him. Rush hour traffic was a nightmare and it was taking way longer than I thought to get there. I had been texting him with my progress, to make sure that he knew I was coming. When I finally arrived at the museum I was over 45 minutes beyond the specced time, starving and dying to get to the game. He met me outside the museum, presented me with some space ice cream (which I love) and I remarked at what a nice gesture it was that he was so thoughtful.  Turns out the explained that this gift was part of a few packages of a multipack he purchased and were keeping for himself. Not so special after all. Here was the guy I knew from yesterday!! 

He asked if I had gotten something to eat. I said that I had not eaten dinner yet, and agreed it was a good idea to grab a bite before we got to the stadium.  He suggested McDonalds.  

"Um, no," I thought. 

I said that it wasn't really my thing, and perhaps we could stop somewhere on the way to the station. We ended up grabbing a bite to eat at a sandwich shop where I had a side salad and a roll and he got a three course meal. He graciously picked up my food as well as his dinner and I thanked him for his generosity.  

We boarded the train to the field,  which was filled with Giants fans!! I was decked out in my Giant's regalia from various kind friends who were supportive of this trip to see our boys play.  He mentioned to me on the ride out to the stadium that he was thinking of wearing his Vikings jersey. I couldn't figure out why he thought this was a good idea, but I smiled and nodded none the less.

As we arrived at the field I handed him his ticket and he paid me for it. It was like someone handing me freedom after years of captivity.  I was awash in emotion knowing now, no matter what happened, I just didn't care. I proceeded to reach into my bag and pull out one of my 20oz cans Miller Lite to celebrate. He looked startled and distressed at this.

"Aren't we going to get in trouble for drinking this in public," he asked.

"You don't work for the State Department any more. What do you care?  Here have one," and I handed him the other can. 

I had no idea about open container laws in the great state of Maryland, and nor did I care.  I was going to have a good night with or with out this dude. He took the can and began drinking his looking unsure if someone was going to come and cart him away to prison for this.  Now this was getting entertaining. 

We decided it was a good idea to wander around he parking lot for a while to check out how the fans tailgated in these parts, and kill some time before the game started. I was impressed at the number of Giants fans that were there.  Periodically we would walk past a group of Redskins fans that would heckle me for my slammin' Giants jacket and some friendly banter would be exchanged. Well, sort of. He would take this opportunity to sell me down the river and share with whomever that I was the Giants fan, and he, being a Vikings fan, had no ties to me or my affliction. Nice guy.

We finished our respective beers and took a few pictures outside the stadium and decided now it was going to be time to make our way into the game. He was dreading the "expensive beers" inside and I knew that this was a great opportunity to really get going with the fun.  Just to freak him out a bit more, I decided to go all hood on him.  

I whipped out my plastic bottle of vodka and proceeded to bend down and take off my shoe. 

"What are you doing," he asked.

"Oh yeah. I figured you may not want to pay for drinks inside, so I got us a bottle of vodka to split. I figure if I smuggle it in in my shoe, no one will notice." A big smile crossed my face as he seemed appalled at this.  Operation Ditch Date had gone into effect. 

I now walked with my "pimp walk" as I was calling it, because the bottle in my shoe was causing me to limp. I strolled through security and into the stadium like a boss. He said he needed to go to the bathroom, so I took this opportunity to head over to the concession stand and get my Diet Coke to spike. I got him and extra cup and we headed to our seats. 

As it turns out, our seats were right next to a pole.  He offered me the seat further from the wall since I was the Giants fan and he didn't really care about the game. I guess that was nice? I said we should move down a few rows till the other people got here so we could potentially sit there if they didn't show up. He begrudgingly moved down a few rows and I was now glued to watching the players warm up on the field. 

No sooner that we had done this but the folks who's seats they were showed up. It was a group of men and women, predominantly Redskins fans, with one Giants fan.  One of the guys in the group told me that we were in the wrong seats. I apologized for sitting in their seats and he told me he would let it slide because I was cute. I think I smiled at him because I thought he was cute too, and then took my albatross and moved down to our assigned seats back by the pole. 

As we settled in we took some pictures of the stadium and the teams warming up he decided that this was a good opportunity to take a walk around the stadium.  I said I was going to hang back and sit tight. I was excited at the opportunity to be alone because now it had gone from a running monologue like the day before to akward silence that neither of us really seemed to care for.  

While he was gone I asked the group of Redskins fans behind me if they would mind taking my picture.  The nice man in the group who had told me we were in his seats volunteered to take my picture "even though I was a Giants fan". We playfully heckled each other back and forth. He told me that he was going to convert me and that he was also going to get my phone number and take me out. I felt that this was bold but exceptionally sweet.  I was trying my best to not let his advances get to me, but I thought he was attractive and funny and therefore I made sure throughout the game to turn around and talk to his friend who was the Giants fan so we could also continue talking.  

The game went on like this.   The Knight wandered around taking pictures, talking with other people in our section and I spent a good portion of the game drinking, talking to the group two rows behind us and randomly hearing the dude who took the picture tell me things like he was going to take me out and make me his girl.  It was like a three ring circus. Everyone was buzzed with the exception of my date who had passed on the second and third rounds of drinks, so I was now picking up the slack and I was OK with that. He had made friends with two dudes that spoke only Spanish and was talking to them about their cameras and not even paying attention to the game. I could have cared!

At some point during the game when my date had gone for another wander/bathroom break/to politic with those in my section, the guy two rows behind me leaned over to talk to me again and invited me to sit with him.  I expressed to him that he was sweet, but I was on a date, and even if I did want to sit with him and his friends there were no seats where he was. He offered that I could sit on his lap.  This guy was phenomenal! I told him he was only hitting on me because he was drunk, and he told me I was a beautiful woman and it had nothing to do with his drinking. He didn't care I was on a date with some other dude, he was trying to pick me up anyway. 

I was seriously considering ditching my date and sitting with them! 

Now that I had a pretty good buzz on this seemed like an even better idea. I began thinking in my head, "If I just make out with the guy behind me, then my date will probably leave, or at least ignore me for the rest of the night."

Clearly this was the alcohol talking and I'm now realizing that I have a long trip back to my hostel, and I need to have my wits about me. I've got to pull the plug on this game/date from hell and get back to my hostel before I am sleeping in the parking lot here. 

The Knight arrives back to our seats and I decree that I never stay for the fourth quarter (again, this is the booze talking). It's late, I'm tired, and I don't want to miss the one and only last train from the stadium when the throngs of people let out.  He can't believe that I want to go.  I tell him I am going to go and he's welcome to come or stay.  

As I got up to get ready to leave, I begin to say goodbye to all the new friends I had made in our section. I hug and kiss goodbye the nice Spanish men next to us and the Redskins fan from two rows behind me sees do this and tells me HE wants a kiss goodbye. For whatever reason, I acquiesce to his request and kiss him on the cheek goodbye as well.   He proceeds to shove a phone in my hand.  He tells me that I have to give him my number so he can call me to take me out. I write in his phone notes: "The Redskins can suck it" and put in my email.  Let's see if he remembers who I am tomorrow!

I stop by the concession stand to grab a hot dog and the Knight goes to the bathroom for the umpteenth time.  I have resolved that as soon as I eat this hot dog, I am off like a shot for the train by myself.  No sooner do I do an about face to figure out what exit to go out, but I run right smack into him. Foiled again! He then takes the liberty of eating the rest of my hot dog. 

I am just as cooked as this dog now.

We proceed to the parking lot and begin walking towards where I think the entrance to the train is. He thinks it's the opposite direction. I tell him that he is not right, and that I am going to walk the direction I am headed because I am sure that I know where I am headed. He takes off to look for signs for the train and that was the last I saw of him.  I am not sure who ditched who, but I walked the way I thought would get me to the train, hid behind a pole so he wouldn't see me at the station and boarded the train back to downtown DC. 

I arrived in downtown DC at roughly 1am. I had no idea where I was in relation to getting back to my hostel and was a little freaked out.  The mall where the Smithsonian was was vacant like I was the last person on earth.  I began walking towards where I thought there may be civilization. Nearly 35 minutes later, I hailed a cab that ultimately took me back to my hostel. Home safe finally. What an adventure!

The following morning around 8:30am I got an email from the Diplomat Knight .

Hey there, 
I tried to find you after we left the stadium but you were no where to be found. It was nice to meet you. Be well.

The pictures of the day before were attached. I guess this is the email I expected and was grateful that clearly both of us knew that this was the last correspondence we would ever have. 

A few days later I was on Facebook and got a friend request from the super sweet man from the football game. Not only this, but as fate would have it, he had emailed me twice during the game after I gave him my email. I never thought to look for the emails because my phone had died and the following morning I was in such a rush to get home, I all but forgot that I had given him the email that I rarely checked. I guess I called him "panoramic" instead of photogenic or who knows. We had all been drinking. . .

Subject: Hey, panoramic dude from the game

Wanted to message you now before a result of the game because I might not want to after lol

Subject:  Still the panoramic guy

Just wanted to let you know you missed an amazing 4th quarter... And I hop to hear from you :)

Remember. . . I love persistence.  

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Knight

As I have been doing this blog I found that the dates are getting more and more interesting. I don't know why that is, but the more mild mannered ones were definitely in the beginning of this endeavor. I have been writing of them out of sequence for both anonymity for the Knights and also so all the doozies aren't grouped together!  At this point of the blog I have been on 11 of them I am finding out a few things. Many of these things came to light after going on a date with this Knight.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Knight came to me through the dating site.  He had reached out to me and it took me nearly a week to get back to him. He seemed kind looking in his pictures. Bright blue eyes, tallish, sparkling smile, he looked fit and had friends in his pictures; always a good sign.  His profile said he was in finance, spontaneous, laid back, and a bit sarcastic.

I have to look and see if those qualities are on the sample profile page because I see those specific traits appear over and over on the this dating site where these guys describe themselves. Back to our Knight. . .

This man had messaged me to tell me he came across my profile and we seemed to have a lot in common. 

Always a plus.

He asked if I would like to meet up with him sometime. He was living in my home town. I was worried he was someone I knew, who knew about the blog, and was just messing with me. As to not prolong the tomfoolery, I decided I would send along my phone number and ask him to text me. This way, we could speed up the meet up, and if I was getting the wool pulled over my eyes by some funny friend, I'd find out who it was sooner rather than later.  

Sidebar:  The back and forth after the initial hello is always the largest investment of time I am finding.  This period of qualifying can take up to a few weeks and well, I don't want be doing this into 2020.  

He began our texting adventure with me one evening by asking if I want to grab a drink. I happened to be home that night after work and figured sure; I can muster some energy to see who this mystery man is. After a chain of texts as to where to meet, he decided to back out because he had to get up early for work. I said, "No worries" and was happy to stay in my sweats and no make up. The following night brings the same text.  "Do you want to go for a drink," he texts. I text that it's late this time and I am watching American Horror Story and he sends back a text asking if I want company.  Hmmm.

I send him back, "I'm sorry.  I don't invite strange men to my home." 

He replies, "I respect that, but I am always a gentleman." 

I come back with, "I am sure you are, but that remains to be seen." 

I find it odd that a man would want to come by so late at night and I am kind of put off because it feels creepy.   I decide in order to further see if this guy is someone looking to meet someone to date, or if he is just DTF I will ask some qualifying questions. I definitely don't want to waste my time with some guy who is just looking to hook up with randoms; me included.   

"Are you looking for a dating situation or are you just looking to meet people?" I text.  I figure that is a nice way of saying what is going through my mind. He says he is looking to build a friendship, and see where it goes. OK, cool; but you're still not coming to my home in the middle of the night.  We agree via text to meet the following day for lunch before I have to go to work. You wanna be creepy with me, you get daylight.

He prefaces confirming the date with that he has  a one year old's birthday to get to at 2:30pm that afternoon. I do a pre-emptive "I have to work at 3" whether or not I do. I'm finding that not only in business, but in life in general, you should ALWAYS have an exit strategy. We agree we should have a hard stop at 2pm to make it where we have to go.

We agree to meet at Urban Table, since I hear that they have brunch and I am always down for a good brunch I don't have to cook. 

We are due to meet at 12:30pm but we are both running late. By quarter to one I am parking and I arrive to find him waiting in the doorway. He's definitely a real man and not my friend pranking me. Oh well. He is just about my height in heels which makes him shorter in person than his online height.

I am getting good at figuring this out as time goes by and also finding that people LIE LIKE DOGS about their height. 

He is dressed in a wool over coat, a button-up collared shirt and black leather shoes.  His hair is shaved tightly to his head and I can't figure out if his pretty blue eyes are sparkly or are what we like to call crazy eyes.  The sort that have that "I have heads in my fridge" look to them.  I wonder if they are going to start rolling all over the place like on of my last dates.  I guess we will find out soon enough!

He looks wildly uncomfortable standing there waiting for me.  As I walk towards him he realizes that I am the PoF prize for waiting in the breezeway of the restaurant. He walks towards me,  hugs me and kisses me on the cheek hello and ushers me out the doorway onto the sidewalk. 

Odd. . I thought we were eating inside. It's cold. We are now standing outside and I am confused.  Was there a problem with the restaurant? Did he have a family emergency and is canceling?  Why am I not moving towards having brunch?

He explains to me that there is going to be a 15 minute wait and we should go somewhere else.  OK. He's being decisive. Great. 

"So where are we going?" I ask. 

He replies, "What do you think?" 

Ah, shit. 

Now I'm stuck planning this endeavor and my brain is still stuck on brunch. OK Manzella, switch gears. You're not getting brunch. Suck it up and pick a place because your ass is freezing. 

It now begins to snow. Yes. Snow. That mythic weather element that we have not hardly seen in 2012 in my parts of New Jersey.  And today, because I have to walk to who-knows-where for Plan B lunch, it will choose to precipitate. Awesome.

I quickly choose the safe zone. "The Hopper?" I reply.

 "Eh," he sighs.

He's so soft spoken I can hardly hear him. He's looking stressed now that we are not coming up with a place. I'm scrambling. I think to myself, "If I work tonight and only have time for one reasonable meal today where I can sit and eat it while it is hot, what the hell do I want." 

Eureka. 

A burger. (Sorry my vego friends. Sadly, given no decision making time, limited resources and what might be the only comfort to my lunch, I chose burger.) 

I suggest that we walk to the Dublin Pub for a good burger. He agrees it's a good choice and we begin our walk. On our way we spoke about the traffic and parking, if we go out in Morristown often, and what we are up to later in the day .  

When we sit down he orders an iced tea and I have a club soda while we are reading the menu.  I ask about his work and the daily commute, how he likes being a homeowner and other small talk. He talks at length about each of the questions I ask. He is soooooooooooo soft-spoken. I wonder if this lovely man has ever raised his voice a day in his life.

He seems very reserved. Very very reserved. There has been no profanity, no reference to any wild weekends and a lot of talk of work and his home. This is sweet, but I start to worry.
I drop the f bomb more often than most people blink. I'm afraid I may frighten him if I do this. I've noticed that I have lowered my tone and I am now sort of whispering too when I talk to him. Weird. The waitress comes over and we each order burgers and Dt. Cokes. 

He asks about my job, what I do in my spare time, and of my recent travels to Ireland and Vegas. He listens to me intently as I share about my exploits. I thought I would like this quality in a date but I notice when I talk he stares at me in a way it just makes me feel uncomfortable. I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's that icky feeling you have when someone you don't care to have staring at you is watching you.  

Maybe I was boring the crap out of him and he had zoned out. Who knows? I just had this "Wow. This is sort of creepy" feeling every time it seemed he was "focusing" on what I was saying. I felt he was nearly piercing me with his stare! 

As the conversation went on I realized a few things. We share that we are Italian, have both visited Vegas and like red wine. But, that's kind of it. The further we talked I just felt like we were so different in what our interests were, how could this go anywhere. He liked to stay home and focus on work. I like to focus on working on traveling. He was a sweet man but we were like apples and orangataungs.  I'm looking for peas and carrots. 

Well que sera. We had a lovely burger, a nice chat and maybe we can stay in the friend zone. I look at my phone and realize that for us to be at our intended locations we will need to get the check and leave.  I ask the waitress for the check and pull out money to pay for my food and drinks. He offers to pick up the check and I thank him. It was very gracious and I thought it was a very pleasant lunch getting to know him. I thought that perhaps at this point he felt the same. We will never know.

In the last few moments before the waitress brought the check I looked out the window and looked up at the snow. I thought to myself, "it's all just so beautiful."I turned to him and very nonchalantly mentioned how "crazy is this global warming thing." I think he stopped dead with what he was doing and said something to the extent of "you don't believe that crap do you?" 

I was startled. He sounded sour and biting. His inflection had changed. It nearly sounded like he had another tone of voice when he said it.  I thought for a moment, perhaps, someone had walked by the table and just blurted out the prior statement.  This couldn't be the same quiet, mild mannered man I had sat across from all this time? 

I was wrong. It WAS him.  He was shaking his head and had a look of disgust on his face. 

"Oh, dear, no!" I thought to myself.  

Whether you believe in global warming or or not I don't care. I can agree to disagree. It's one of my strong suits. I happen to believe in global warming, the Mayan end of the calendar next week and marriage should be renewed every 7 years like a lease -  if there is no apocalypse on the 21st. I digress.  

I wasn't unhappy the he didn't believe in global warming.  I was unhappy with the way that he belittled an opposing point of view and was so dismissive. Generally, I would have spoken up for the what I believed in and called him out on dismissing someone's dissenting view. Strangely, I refrained.  I think it's because I am learning from this dating experiment when to say when. I just sat there and smiled and nodded politely.  

To fill the dead air that was slowly but surely filling our booth I mentioned something about "well at least we are going in the right direction with solar power." 

He scoffs at my comment. 

He tells me that it would take so much to convert all of our devices and machinery that we would require converted to get solar to work, it would be impossible. He believes in the "digging" for natural gas as he calls it.  I've heard of this fracking, as it is called, and I am not a fan of this. Again. It's like someone is testing me to see if I will go all hippie on him. I sit quietly, smile and nod.  As we get up to put our coats on, he continues on with the conversation. He tells me that if Obama hadn't spent all the money on "stupid social programs" there would be more money for pursuing natural gas in Alaska and other places. 

The little voice inside of me is now SCREAMING. He has just hit me with the trifecta.  Insult my political views, bash nature and belittle opposing views. I still don't say a word.  At this very moment I realize the thing that is magic about this whole episode is one thing: I have figured out the hustle.

I don't have to call him, text him or see him ever again if I don't want to. Awesome. 

That soothes the inner voice that is now hoarse from the epic scream. No need to engage him. Just say goodbye.  We depart the restaurant talking about our upcoming week. I have remained cool as a cucumber throughout the talk and walk. He has no idea that he has taken my inner values tree and shaken it to the very core. I am Chris' Zen Penguin Power-animal. I can weather any date now. Slide.

I wish him well with his afternoon birthday party. I depart across the street waving goodbye as my inner Zen Penguin flips him the bird.