The "Cliche' Knight"

For years I have enjoyed being involved with a number of community groups. While President of my roller derby league, I frequently met with various non-profit groups and civic organizations to partner with, or participate in their various events and activities.  Due to these experiences, I have forged a number of long term friendships with some of the great people who participate in these organizations.  One of the great friends that have come out of this participation is my friend Grant.

Grant and I have now been close friends for nearly 7 years. Due to the fact that he now knows me pretty well, I have been sharing the annals of my dating blog during our monthly lunches. As we were discussing my latest debacle on the dating front, his face lit up.

"Chris," he exclaimed, "I can't believe I didn't think of this before."

I sat there in cautious anticipation.  "Grant, what didn't you think of before?" I inquired.

"I can't believe that I never thought of setting you up with this kid I know," he responded.

I heard kid, and wondered where this was going. . .

"Yeah," he proclaimed.

"I can't believe that I didn't come up with this before.  I have this friend who's son I worked with, and I think that he may be a good fit for you. He's in his late 20s, but he has a good family, a job and his own car. I think that you might like him."

Now, I have known Grant for the better part of a decade. Grant is good people.  I felt that if Grant was going to vouch for this guy then he was something pretty special.

Grant mentioned that perhaps we could all go to a happy hour together.  I thought this was a great idea. I could do the group first-date-thing, and hopefully get all the awkwardness out of the way with Grant as the cushion.

Grant and I wrapped lunch and he promised he would produce a point of contact for this amazing potential-Knight for me.  I bid him farewell and awaited my conduit for contact with this mystery Knight. Not that there was any pressure already, my friend Grant rang me shortly after lunch. He informed me that if this mystery Knight and I were to get married that he wasn't going to accept fish being served at the wedding. I promised that if we did reach the nuptial phase that there would be a steak in Grant's future.

Is it sad that in looking at all the wedding reception photos this excited me the most?

Two days went by, and then I was contacted by this would-be Knight.  The Knight text me that he had gotten my number from my friend (I had consented to my phone number being dolled out), and was reaching out in the hope that we could set up a meeting.

As fate would have it both Grant and my Knight had to work on the night that I had wanted to attend happy hour. To try to make the situation with my Knight work,  I offered to meet this new Knight one evening after my night job: he agreed this would work.

I text Grant and let him know that this new Knight and I would be getting together for drinks in the middle of the week instead of our proposed happy hour. Grant wished me well, and wanted me to to make sure of two things: 1. That I call him afterward to make sure I was OK and fill him in as to the details of the date and 2. Make sure that my Knight was to pay for whatever we did.

I have good people looking out for me :)

My Knight suggested that we go to a place near where he used to work. I had never been to this Cloverleaf bar, but had heard that they had amazing craft beer, so I agreed this would be a great destination. I scheduled the date to be at 10pm to allow for me to have a busy night at work, (I hoped) and still not be running terribly late all shiny and stinky from bar tending.

The night of my date, as fate would have it, my night job was terribly slow.  I was cut at roughly 7:30pm and text my Knight to see if we could move our date from 10pm to 9pm  He agreed and I began to drive over to our meeting place. 

I had thrown on a pair of white pants, sandals and a pretty flowy iridescent blue shirt while I was at work. The girls at work had all given the outfit approval and the boys gave me the wink and nod, and I felt that I was ready to rock.

I arrived in Caldwell tremendously earlier than I had expected. I took this opportunity to stop get gas, buy gum and then park my car and scroll through my Pinterest for a while.  During this time my Knight text me to inform me that he would be running about a half hour late. Thank God for Pinterest.  I sat in the car till he text me that he arrived. I told him that I would meet him in front of the restaurant.  I was concerned that with the bustling restaurant full of people that it would be a challenge to find him. 

Up to this point he had only sent me a Facebook picture via text.  In this picture he was wearing a plaid shirt, jeans and had his thick black hair was styled neatly.  He looked like your average 20 something guy who shopped for clothes based upon a mannequin in the store. From the shot that he sent, he looked like a large, strapping man.  From the picture it looked like he had a broad, muscular body (that I could make out under his shirt) and appeared to be well over 6 foot from the way the picture was shot. I can recall my girl friend and I looking at the picture and both of us commenting that he looked like a huge guy. 

When I showed up in front of the restaurant there was a man with dark black hair standing outside.  He looked like the man in the text picture. He had dark black hair slicked back, jeans, sneakers and an Affliction shirt on. As he walked towards me I realized that he wasn't that much taller than me but his muscles were enormous in his chest and arms. Wow. This man had a serious commitment to working out! He hugged me hello and we proceeded inside.

He opted to get us a table in the back of the restaurant rather than us sitting in the loud crowded bar. I appreciated this, because the last thing I want to do during my non-working time is be bumped by drunk people at a bar. 

We sat down and when the waitress inquired what we were having to drink I was excited at the prospect of sampling one of their fine craft brews.  I looked across the table and inquired what this Knight would be drinking. He proceeded to look at the waitress and tell her he was OK with water.  

Now in the past, when I only had a water, not even a soft drink, this meant that this was going to be a brief date and I didn't really want to be there.  This was not a good start. 

I asked if he was sure he didn't want anything to drink at all. He said he was in training, so he shouldn't, but I should feel free to have one. 

The waitress was stuck in the middle of this back and forth, so to make her life less difficult and not seem like we were just going to sit at a table and drink water all night, I ordered a Stoli Blueberry and club soda.  This looked like water?

As the waitress walked off, the awkward silence had set upon us.  To try to get the conversation going, I asked how he got to know our mutual friend Grant.  He proceeded to tell me the same story that Grant had told me about how they met. Silence again.

I asked him about how he got involved with his job and if he liked his work as a fire fighter.  He told me that he really enjoyed his work, and felt that he had chosen the right career path.  I continued to ask him about his work, how he trained to get the position and what it was like working in a job that could be a life or death scenario daily.  He answered all my questions and then that strange silence creeped in again. 

I was beginning to feel like someone who's parents had set them up with a co-workers son who I had nothing in common with.  I even felt like perhaps he was just forging along with this date to appease our friend.  There was 0 chemistry. 

Out of the blue he blurted out, "so how old are you anyway?"

Oh Jesus.  

What is it with 20-something year old men always asking a woman's age.  When I was younger,  I was raised with the belief that men shouldn't ever ask your age, and now, these days, it rolled off their tongue in the same way they ask you if you are DTF.  What happened to class and cooth? Clearly I had been down this road before.  

"35," I responded.  "Truthfully, there's not much I can do about it."

"Oh, that's OK," he blurted out.  "It's cool."

And so was the conversation once again.  

"So how is your summer going?" I inquired trying to determine if we should just both bail out now or continue with this seemingly forced event.

He told me it was going well. He and his buddies had spent the summer in Seaside going to Bamboo, DJai's and Headliners. 

Anyone who is from NJ is now, hopefully, giggling at this blog entry. Anyone who is not, can click on the links and get an understanding of why they are giggling. 

I told him I was more of a Parker House or Boathouse sort of girl. 

Again. Crickets.

This time he asked me if I was Italian. I said yes, and said I guessed he was too. He was impressed that I knew he was.  I told him it was something about the large, gold, chain with a large, gold, crucifix on it gave me a hint.  

At this point I had managed to suck down my Stoli and club in my VFW hall size glass and began the mental chess game of, do I tell him I am going to get going, or do I stay to see how this goes. 

The waitress immediately attended to us.  We were the last people in the restaurant.  As someone who has worked in the service industry all throughout my life I can tell you, we were the dreaded last table. 

I figured we were packing it in for the night.  I think I even began to do the 'I'm pulling my stuff together and putting my napkin on the table to go' routine.  

He then decides that he is going to have a Red Bull and vodka.  Curious choice, but, OK. He tells me that he guesses it's OK to have a drink. He offers for me to have another.  

Well, he's already ordered his, and I am intrigued that he is looking to continue on with this date.  

"Sure, I'll have another," I tell the waitress.  

I can nearly feel her angst for us emanating off of her being.  Just as she goes to walk away she goes to grab the katsup off the table, probably to  refill it for her side work.  As she reaches for it, he immediately grabs the katsup and tells her, "No, wait.  We're using this."

He giggles and then says "nah, it's cool" to her. I'm mortified. 

For those of you who have never been in the service industry, the last thing that you want at the end of your shift is someone chilling at your table, drinking water till all hours of the night and then thinking they are hilarious when you attempt to do the few things you can do to to wrap up your night. 

I make my 'I don't really know him' face at her and she walks away with a smile that's almost as genuine as my desire to be there. 

"So Grant tells me that you travel a lot.  You ever get out to Vegas?" he asks.

We share our stories of Vegas night clubs, VIP service and DJs we loved.  I tell him that Vegas is the halfway meeting point for my Australian friends and I, and what a blast we have when we go.  He tells me about the pool parties and palatial diggs he scores when he stays out there.  The conversation is actually flowing now. 

This year our alter egos were Miss Australia (middle), her stylist (far left), her best friend (polka dots), I was her  PR person and far right was her manager.  It was like an Australian Entourage. 

I ask where else he has traveled to and he tells me AC.  I share that I was recently there for the opening of Margaritaville at Resorts and he tells me about Murmur and a few other night clubs I have not been to there. 

We talk about our big Italian families and how crazy the holidays are.  He shares that he lives at home with his parents where his mother does his cooking, cleaning and laundry.  His down time is spent at the gym and off nights at various clubs in NJ like 46 Lounge and Jenks. 

I realize more and more we are from two different worlds. I think he does too. 

He's sweet, and kind, and is a good listener.  He's got a great job and a great family, two qualities I think are important.  He's a good looking man, but there's just something that isn't clicking for either one of us.  

We've now finished our drinks and the waitress drops the check.  He offers to pay, and on Grant's advice I agree to this.  I thank him for being such a gentleman, because, truly, he was.  He and I walk out to the parking lot to say our goodbyes.  I thank him for a lovely evening. He offers to go have a few more drinks over at the Ringside, but I decline because it is nearly midnight and well, I've had a long day and I'm tired.  I tell him to have a drink for me and enjoy the rest of his night off.  

He tells me he'll be in touch. I know he won't and neither will I. Kind of thing where if we ran into each other at Corrados we would say "hi" and maybe see how the other was, but I don't see us out painting the town together. 

As he walked towards his tinted out, shiny rimmed Mustang parked in the parking lot, I had to giggle. If I hadn't already been writing this blog with it's Greek tragedy conga line of stories already, no one would have believed me.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Knight

As I have been doing this blog I found that the dates are getting more and more interesting. I don't know why that is, but the more mild mannered ones were definitely in the beginning of this endeavor. I have been writing of them out of sequence for both anonymity for the Knights and also so all the doozies aren't grouped together!  At this point of the blog I have been on 11 of them I am finding out a few things. Many of these things came to light after going on a date with this Knight.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Knight came to me through the dating site.  He had reached out to me and it took me nearly a week to get back to him. He seemed kind looking in his pictures. Bright blue eyes, tallish, sparkling smile, he looked fit and had friends in his pictures; always a good sign.  His profile said he was in finance, spontaneous, laid back, and a bit sarcastic.

I have to look and see if those qualities are on the sample profile page because I see those specific traits appear over and over on the this dating site where these guys describe themselves. Back to our Knight. . .

This man had messaged me to tell me he came across my profile and we seemed to have a lot in common. 

Always a plus.

He asked if I would like to meet up with him sometime. He was living in my home town. I was worried he was someone I knew, who knew about the blog, and was just messing with me. As to not prolong the tomfoolery, I decided I would send along my phone number and ask him to text me. This way, we could speed up the meet up, and if I was getting the wool pulled over my eyes by some funny friend, I'd find out who it was sooner rather than later.  

Sidebar:  The back and forth after the initial hello is always the largest investment of time I am finding.  This period of qualifying can take up to a few weeks and well, I don't want be doing this into 2020.  

He began our texting adventure with me one evening by asking if I want to grab a drink. I happened to be home that night after work and figured sure; I can muster some energy to see who this mystery man is. After a chain of texts as to where to meet, he decided to back out because he had to get up early for work. I said, "No worries" and was happy to stay in my sweats and no make up. The following night brings the same text.  "Do you want to go for a drink," he texts. I text that it's late this time and I am watching American Horror Story and he sends back a text asking if I want company.  Hmmm.

I send him back, "I'm sorry.  I don't invite strange men to my home." 

He replies, "I respect that, but I am always a gentleman." 

I come back with, "I am sure you are, but that remains to be seen." 

I find it odd that a man would want to come by so late at night and I am kind of put off because it feels creepy.   I decide in order to further see if this guy is someone looking to meet someone to date, or if he is just DTF I will ask some qualifying questions. I definitely don't want to waste my time with some guy who is just looking to hook up with randoms; me included.   

"Are you looking for a dating situation or are you just looking to meet people?" I text.  I figure that is a nice way of saying what is going through my mind. He says he is looking to build a friendship, and see where it goes. OK, cool; but you're still not coming to my home in the middle of the night.  We agree via text to meet the following day for lunch before I have to go to work. You wanna be creepy with me, you get daylight.

He prefaces confirming the date with that he has  a one year old's birthday to get to at 2:30pm that afternoon. I do a pre-emptive "I have to work at 3" whether or not I do. I'm finding that not only in business, but in life in general, you should ALWAYS have an exit strategy. We agree we should have a hard stop at 2pm to make it where we have to go.

We agree to meet at Urban Table, since I hear that they have brunch and I am always down for a good brunch I don't have to cook. 

We are due to meet at 12:30pm but we are both running late. By quarter to one I am parking and I arrive to find him waiting in the doorway. He's definitely a real man and not my friend pranking me. Oh well. He is just about my height in heels which makes him shorter in person than his online height.

I am getting good at figuring this out as time goes by and also finding that people LIE LIKE DOGS about their height. 

He is dressed in a wool over coat, a button-up collared shirt and black leather shoes.  His hair is shaved tightly to his head and I can't figure out if his pretty blue eyes are sparkly or are what we like to call crazy eyes.  The sort that have that "I have heads in my fridge" look to them.  I wonder if they are going to start rolling all over the place like on of my last dates.  I guess we will find out soon enough!

He looks wildly uncomfortable standing there waiting for me.  As I walk towards him he realizes that I am the PoF prize for waiting in the breezeway of the restaurant. He walks towards me,  hugs me and kisses me on the cheek hello and ushers me out the doorway onto the sidewalk. 

Odd. . I thought we were eating inside. It's cold. We are now standing outside and I am confused.  Was there a problem with the restaurant? Did he have a family emergency and is canceling?  Why am I not moving towards having brunch?

He explains to me that there is going to be a 15 minute wait and we should go somewhere else.  OK. He's being decisive. Great. 

"So where are we going?" I ask. 

He replies, "What do you think?" 

Ah, shit. 

Now I'm stuck planning this endeavor and my brain is still stuck on brunch. OK Manzella, switch gears. You're not getting brunch. Suck it up and pick a place because your ass is freezing. 

It now begins to snow. Yes. Snow. That mythic weather element that we have not hardly seen in 2012 in my parts of New Jersey.  And today, because I have to walk to who-knows-where for Plan B lunch, it will choose to precipitate. Awesome.

I quickly choose the safe zone. "The Hopper?" I reply.

 "Eh," he sighs.

He's so soft spoken I can hardly hear him. He's looking stressed now that we are not coming up with a place. I'm scrambling. I think to myself, "If I work tonight and only have time for one reasonable meal today where I can sit and eat it while it is hot, what the hell do I want." 

Eureka. 

A burger. (Sorry my vego friends. Sadly, given no decision making time, limited resources and what might be the only comfort to my lunch, I chose burger.) 

I suggest that we walk to the Dublin Pub for a good burger. He agrees it's a good choice and we begin our walk. On our way we spoke about the traffic and parking, if we go out in Morristown often, and what we are up to later in the day .  

When we sit down he orders an iced tea and I have a club soda while we are reading the menu.  I ask about his work and the daily commute, how he likes being a homeowner and other small talk. He talks at length about each of the questions I ask. He is soooooooooooo soft-spoken. I wonder if this lovely man has ever raised his voice a day in his life.

He seems very reserved. Very very reserved. There has been no profanity, no reference to any wild weekends and a lot of talk of work and his home. This is sweet, but I start to worry.
I drop the f bomb more often than most people blink. I'm afraid I may frighten him if I do this. I've noticed that I have lowered my tone and I am now sort of whispering too when I talk to him. Weird. The waitress comes over and we each order burgers and Dt. Cokes. 

He asks about my job, what I do in my spare time, and of my recent travels to Ireland and Vegas. He listens to me intently as I share about my exploits. I thought I would like this quality in a date but I notice when I talk he stares at me in a way it just makes me feel uncomfortable. I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's that icky feeling you have when someone you don't care to have staring at you is watching you.  

Maybe I was boring the crap out of him and he had zoned out. Who knows? I just had this "Wow. This is sort of creepy" feeling every time it seemed he was "focusing" on what I was saying. I felt he was nearly piercing me with his stare! 

As the conversation went on I realized a few things. We share that we are Italian, have both visited Vegas and like red wine. But, that's kind of it. The further we talked I just felt like we were so different in what our interests were, how could this go anywhere. He liked to stay home and focus on work. I like to focus on working on traveling. He was a sweet man but we were like apples and orangataungs.  I'm looking for peas and carrots. 

Well que sera. We had a lovely burger, a nice chat and maybe we can stay in the friend zone. I look at my phone and realize that for us to be at our intended locations we will need to get the check and leave.  I ask the waitress for the check and pull out money to pay for my food and drinks. He offers to pick up the check and I thank him. It was very gracious and I thought it was a very pleasant lunch getting to know him. I thought that perhaps at this point he felt the same. We will never know.

In the last few moments before the waitress brought the check I looked out the window and looked up at the snow. I thought to myself, "it's all just so beautiful."I turned to him and very nonchalantly mentioned how "crazy is this global warming thing." I think he stopped dead with what he was doing and said something to the extent of "you don't believe that crap do you?" 

I was startled. He sounded sour and biting. His inflection had changed. It nearly sounded like he had another tone of voice when he said it.  I thought for a moment, perhaps, someone had walked by the table and just blurted out the prior statement.  This couldn't be the same quiet, mild mannered man I had sat across from all this time? 

I was wrong. It WAS him.  He was shaking his head and had a look of disgust on his face. 

"Oh, dear, no!" I thought to myself.  

Whether you believe in global warming or or not I don't care. I can agree to disagree. It's one of my strong suits. I happen to believe in global warming, the Mayan end of the calendar next week and marriage should be renewed every 7 years like a lease -  if there is no apocalypse on the 21st. I digress.  

I wasn't unhappy the he didn't believe in global warming.  I was unhappy with the way that he belittled an opposing point of view and was so dismissive. Generally, I would have spoken up for the what I believed in and called him out on dismissing someone's dissenting view. Strangely, I refrained.  I think it's because I am learning from this dating experiment when to say when. I just sat there and smiled and nodded politely.  

To fill the dead air that was slowly but surely filling our booth I mentioned something about "well at least we are going in the right direction with solar power." 

He scoffs at my comment. 

He tells me that it would take so much to convert all of our devices and machinery that we would require converted to get solar to work, it would be impossible. He believes in the "digging" for natural gas as he calls it.  I've heard of this fracking, as it is called, and I am not a fan of this. Again. It's like someone is testing me to see if I will go all hippie on him. I sit quietly, smile and nod.  As we get up to put our coats on, he continues on with the conversation. He tells me that if Obama hadn't spent all the money on "stupid social programs" there would be more money for pursuing natural gas in Alaska and other places. 

The little voice inside of me is now SCREAMING. He has just hit me with the trifecta.  Insult my political views, bash nature and belittle opposing views. I still don't say a word.  At this very moment I realize the thing that is magic about this whole episode is one thing: I have figured out the hustle.

I don't have to call him, text him or see him ever again if I don't want to. Awesome. 

That soothes the inner voice that is now hoarse from the epic scream. No need to engage him. Just say goodbye.  We depart the restaurant talking about our upcoming week. I have remained cool as a cucumber throughout the talk and walk. He has no idea that he has taken my inner values tree and shaken it to the very core. I am Chris' Zen Penguin Power-animal. I can weather any date now. Slide.

I wish him well with his afternoon birthday party. I depart across the street waving goodbye as my inner Zen Penguin flips him the bird.